


You'll Love Again

by Lynzula



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Gen, Wholesome Gem bs, i'll add tags as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-20 19:24:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynzula/pseuds/Lynzula
Summary: Spinel needs a break and a hug. She never thought she'd find either of those things on a nowhere planet with a bunch of nobodies.





	1. Here on Earth

Sometimes, in the dead of night, surrounded by nothing but dense wilderness and plant life, the Earth reminded Spinel of the _Garden. _The resemblance was so uncanny that it made her uneasy. She never would have imagined she’d end up slinking back to this _nowhere _planet, this stupid rock that she was once hellbent on destroying.

Of course, It's not like she really had anywhere else to go...

Homeworld was definitely not an option right now. As much as Spinel adored the Diamonds, she found it difficult to keep up a happy facade around them, and she could not bear the thought of failing them on top of everyone else.

_No. _

The pink gem exhaled slowly, slipping her eyes shut to fight back a fresh surge of tears. Hasn't she cried enough? This was starting to get a little ridiculous! Wasn’t she supposed to be getting better? Whatever _that_ was supposed to mean.

Something about change? Something about love?

Spinel huffed, trying to focus on the sounds of crashing waves against the sandy shoreline instead of her ever-spiralling thoughts. That’s why she had come back here, right? To catch a break from overbearing Diamonds, who expected _Pink’s Lost Treasure_ when in reality she was just Pink's broken, forgotten toy.

It took her a moment before she noticed her hands swelling in size, or that her breath was coming out in short, ragged gasps. It wasn’t until she felt tears burning at the corner of her eyes, her fists reeling back to strike at the ground, that she realized she was losing her composure.

"Argh! No, no, no! Come on! Get a freakin' grip already! I was doin’ so good!"

She gave her head a violent shake, shrinking her fists and pooling into a noodle-like heap with a deflated sigh.

This wasn’t at all what she had in mind. Actually, she isn’t even really sure _what_ she had in mind when she hastily made her exit via the palace warp pad. It definitely didn’t involve Steven Universe. The idea was to avoid him at all costs this time around. At least for a little while. She wasn’t ready to face him quite yet, or the slew of questions he would no doubt bombard her with. Being alone was definitely not in the game plan though.

Being alone was dangerous, and she was so very tired of it.

“Oh! It’s Spinel!”

The nasally voice of a vaguely familiar Peridot pulled Spinel from her thoughts. She quite literally sprang to her feet, panic taking hold when she saw a blue and green gem approaching her. Encountering any friend of Steven's was right up there at the top of the _nope _list. As far as Spinel was concerned, she’d messed up just as badly with them. What should she do? What should she say? 

The Lapis and Peridot were already standing a few feet away before she could make up her mind. 

“What are you doing here?” Lapis asked, one brow arched.

“I-” Spinel faltered a moment, fumbling with her hands as much as her words. “I don’t got anywhere else to go,” is what she eventually muttered, looking away sheepishly.

“Welcome to the club!” replied Peridot, charging forward despite Spinel’s flinch in the opposite direction. Lapis rested her palm on the Peridot’s shoulder, gently preventing the small green gem from advancing further. The lonely void in Spinel’s chest suddenly cut a thousand times deeper.

“The Earth is a good place to be when you don’t have anywhere else to go,” Lapis said. “Stay as long as you need to.”

“Uh… t-thanks,” Spinel stammered. “You--you guys aren’t mad at me for-- y'know...” She gestured vaguely with her gloved hands, unable to finish voicing her concerns aloud. These gems would have been destroyed because of her. 

Lapis snorted. Peridot seemed amused too, and Spinel had to stamp back the budding prickle of annoyance at seemingly being left out of the loop, especially about something that had been eating her up since she had left with the Diamonds.

“Mad? Are you kidding me? Everyone has tried to kill Steven _at least_ once! I’d be highly suspicious if you hadn’t!” Peridot's levity did little to mollify her. Lapis seemed to sense this and gave Spinel an odd smile. Part of her desperately wanted to return it, but thousands of years of crippling self-doubt had taken its toll on the pink gem. 

Peridot, oblivious to the building tension, had her hands cocked on her hips. She hummed, exhaling noisily through her nose. “So what are you doing sitting out here all by yourself?” Lapis winced. 

Spinel felt her stress levels hit critical mass. "_Yeesh!_ Look, I didn't ask for the company, okay?" She lurched ominously forward, throwing her hands up in frustration, failing to notice how both gems startled in fear. "Everythin' was just _peachy_ ‘till you guys showed up and started askin’ all these stupid questions! What’s wrong with just hangin' out with me, myself and I anyway? Huh!? I did it for six thousand years, and guess what? I turned out just _SWELL!_” She punctuated the point by angrily yanking at her pigtails, unable to control the sudden spike of anger rippling through her gem, followed by the ache of guilt immediately after. 

Peridot stepped back in surprise. Spinel tried to calm down, but all the horrible feelings she'd been burying were too strong, and her fragile mental walls were too weak in the face of them all. There was no dam to hold back the rush of acidic laughter bubbling up in her throat.

"_H__ahaha! Hoho! _What’s another thousand more, am I right!? I mean, after everythin' I've done, I'd totally deserve it! _Haha!_”

She choked out a laugh that bordered on a sob. What was _wrong_ with her? Why was she lashing out at Steven’s friends? She shrank in on herself as the realization sank in, wrapping her arms around her torso several times over.

“Spinel, it’s okay to feel hurt,” Lapis spoke softly, “I know you might not believe it right now... but it gets easier. Change doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes time to find it in yourself to trust again, to love again. But you will.” A hollow smirk broke out across her face, eyebrows pinched with what Spinel could only assume was the result of some repressed trauma. The air around them suddenly felt colder, sharper. “Take it from a gem who was trapped in a mirror for a few millennia.”

Her watery magenta eyes widened. _Trapped in a mirror?_

“That-- That sounds awful,” Spinel grimaced. Her arms unwound a bit, though she still maintained a respectable distance, despite the tiny voice in the back of her head screaming for some form of physical contact. The dark and twisted parody of her own voice insisted she didn’t deserve such things, and it always seemed to scream a little bit louder.

“It was." Lapis shrugged.

Peridot, displeased with where this conversation seemed to be leading, offered her hand out in support, a gesture Lapis accepted graciously. It was in moments like this that Spinel was reminded of how utterly alone she truly was. Anger eventually fizzled into a dull ache; an ever-familiar twinge in her chest she was sure would never go away, no matter how much time supposedly healed.

“I’m not trying to compare my trauma to yours. Everybody experiences it differently. I just don’t want to see you go through it alone...” Lapis extended her own hand, sporting a lazy grin that Spinel couldn’t help but weakly return. She struggled with a few more errant tears before collecting herself with a shaky breath, accepting the offered hand with a tentative one of her own. Maybe the ocean gem was right. Maybe it was okay to feel angry and confused and hurt and…

The hand holding hers clutched just a bit tighter, and for the first time in quite some time, she was starting to feel _found. _


	2. Let's Play A Game

Little Homeworld was a beautiful mess, and Spinel loved everything about it. She was initially wary about letting Lapis drag her along, but after some prodding from Peridot, she eventually caved. It helped that most of them gems living here seemed to be tucked indoors for the evening, so she could marvel at the fascinating mix of human and gem architecture without feeling overwhelmed.

Lapis and Peridot came to a stop and turned around.

Spinel blinked owlishly. “So… are we there yet?”

“Well, if your idea of _there _is the warp pad, then yes. We are.”

_Warp pad? Are they… sending me away? _

The panic must have been written on her face, because Peridot was throwing her hands up, waving them frantically back and forth in a placating gesture. 

“It’s nothing like that! Lapis and I just thought you might want to do something a little more exciting while you're here.” The green gem glanced up hopefully at her taller blue companion.

“There’s a place in Beach City where humans go to play games,” Lapis offered, shrugging. “You might like it.”

“Gee, I dunno… isn’t it pretty late out? Don’t humans ‘sleep’ at night?”

During her stay on Homeworld, Spinel had managed to pick up bits and pieces of information about organic life through conversation with the Diamonds and the Pearls.

The inhabitants of Earth required periods of rest that typically lasted from dusk till dawn, where they would lose complete consciousness. It was a little similar to what happens when a gem is poofed, except humans retained their form while they slept.

Spinel thought the concept sounded oddly appealing. Though, the lying completely still bit? No thanks. 

“Humans are, but we aren’t.” 

“Lazuli is right! Allow us to give you the Beach City grand tour!”

Peridot’s enthusiasm proved infectious. 

“Okay, okay, fiiiiinnnneee. Twist my rubber arm why don’t ya?” Spinel wove one of her arms into a complicated knot, garnering an amused snort from Lapis.

Peridot, on the other hand, burst out laughing. “I like the cut of your gem, Spinel!”

Spinel chuckled shyly, averting her gaze, embarrassed and all too eager to change the subject. When did it become so darn hard to take a compliment?

“So uh, you guys said somethin’ about games?” 

According to Lapis, they had to break into 'Funland Arcade' before they could play anything, which was not something Spinel was keen on. Breaking and entering, as Peridot had casually described it, was very much illegal, and she was already on thin ice with the people of Beach City... and _Steven._

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Peridot forced the roll-up doors open with a flick of her wrist. “Human technology is extremely primitive. I can assure you that they will never know we were here.”

Lapis nodded sagely.

“If ya say so.” Spinel frowned. She did a wary double-take of the surrounding neighbourhood. Not a soul in sight, despite the loud, angry wail of the building’s security system going off, which Peridot promptly snuffed with another wrist flick. She fist-bumped the sky in triumph before scuttling inside. Upon entering, Peridot shut the roll-up door, plunging them into darkness. The interior was lifeless, devoid of light and sound, with a bunch of peculiar-looking machines scattered about the room. Is this really where humans went to play games? Spinel shifted anxiously, her pointed shoes squeaking obnoxiously in the silence. Something about this place gave her the willies. 

Peridot stroked a thumb under her chin, humming thoughtfully. Then, she lifted her arms, and the room suddenly became a whole lot brighter. Spinel’s jaw dropped as everything around them was brought to life in a flash of lights, colours, and sounds, the once silent machines now buzzing with music and noise. 

Peridot, immensely pleased with herself yet again, snickered mischievously. Lapis gave the smaller gem an affectionate smile, and it took everything Spinel had to not drown in her bitterness at the sight. She only ever had _Pink_, and even that had been a lie.

Spinel clenched her teeth and looked away, trying to distract herself with these strange human games.

“So...” she began, rousing Peridot and Lapis from their moment. “What are we gonna play first?


End file.
